i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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