ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
