he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
