your parents love me but you hate me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
