i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Bring me that man meat
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
