My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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