I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
