Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
