I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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