So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
