Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
