There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
