Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
