I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
