remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
