I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
