i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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