so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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