he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
