Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
