Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
