Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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