I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
