the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
