Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
