I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
