She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
