so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
