i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
