u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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