Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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