32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
