I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
