I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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