Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
