i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
