I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
