Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
