she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
