Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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