my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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