i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
