Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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