Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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