After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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