I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
