I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
