When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
