Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
