Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
