She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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