i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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