He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
