I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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