my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You were trust falling into bushes
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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