what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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