last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
