i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
