will power is for people who don't want to get laid
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
